Some potential Tatts

Heartfire

Son I Loved You At Your Darkest

Alpha Omega

Mercy

Grace

These were all contestants in a tattoo contest on one of my favorite blogs. I liked these.

Tuesday, good day

My conversation with my son, Tad:

Me yesterday: What did you do at school today Tad?

Tad: Math

Me this morning: Why is there a big trophy in your room Tad?

Tad: Because I won it yesterday in the Jr. Olympics at school.

Me: why didn't you tell me?

Tad: why do you go to the gym every single day after work?

I guess that is his way of saying that I wasn't home so I lost out!

So at the fitness center yesterday I met for an hour with a nutritionist from the hospital. She had my records from when I saw the nutritionist over the summer. That was great because we just started from where I left off. She reviewed the meal plan, which is not a "diet", but just shows me how to eat properly. I am going to get 1800 calories a day, which is plenty to satisfy me. I have to count my fats and carbs. I have numbers on those also to limit intake. If I eat correctly, I will not be hungry. The snacks between meals will keep my blood sugar from being on a roller coaster. I did it in June, I can do it now. With the exercise, I will melt away into oblivion over the next 12 months.

Then, I am rewarding myself with a tattoo. Really. Not kidding. 100 pounds down= Tattoo. Dan said he'd pay for it. I'm really going to get one. Not a joke. Really am. I already know what I am going to get. Yepper. Gonna do it.

Today, we are closing the office at noon. I am going to go to the gym to do my "Workout A" and some cardio until 1pm. Then, I will pick up Tad from school, pick up Dan from the house, pick up my brother Tim from his house, and we will drive to Grandma's house in Waycross. Yipeeeee! Thursday is my cardio only day, so I will go walking in Waycross (the gym there is closed for renovations, I checked already). Friday I will do my "Workout A" when we get back to Titusville, or if we are late, it will be my off day and I'll do it Saturday. I can always go walking when we get home Friday.

I have a plan. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Merry Christmas

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Tad, Dan and Smokey

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Happy Thanksgiving

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Joe Cool's Revenge

So, I met with Joe Cool yesterday evening. I got my "fitness prescription" for the next four weeks. First he went over my reports. Yeah, that was pleasant, let me tell you. One page had my measurements on it and the header was "Circumference". I asked Joe if there wasn't a better way to label that page. He asked if I would rather it read "Girth". Point Joe.

We went out into the gym and Joe taught me how to use the fitness machines for my "Workout A", which targets my hammies, glutes, hips, knees, and a little upper body work. It is a 40 minute cycle of machines. Then he showed me my cardio workout. I also was introduced to the stretching thingy that I do before and after workouts. It was all very reminiscent of Nazi torture devices. I'm surprised the machines didn't have German names on them. "Next, you will use the Hamschnitzel Bender, on my count, begin". Set to Joe.

Next week Joe will teach me "Workout B". Then, I will learn "Workout C". The goal is to do Monday A, Wednesday B, Friday C. Cardio is M-F. Saturday and Sunday I will not workout. Joe Cool said the cardio is what will melt the fat away. The other stuff is for strength training, and since I have none, I need strength. It will also keep me from having as much folds of skin hanging after the fat is gone, though I will have some issues with that, because of my Circumference Page. Set and Match to Joe.

I am actually not too sore today. I am ready for another workout. It really does make your body chemicals give you a high. I like it. I like it a lot. And it isn't even "The Red Pill". Ooooo.

Yesterday, as Joe Cool was teaching, he said, "any questions so far?", to which I replied, "Just one, why is that gentleman working out in his suit?". Yes, there was a man there in his 70's working out in dress pants, dress shoes, shirt and tie. Still had his NASA badge clipped to his pocket protector. Rocket Scientists baffle me. Joe Cool had no answer, just shook his head and laughed at me. Point Becki.

Oh, the picture is from Tad's first homecoming- THS Homecoming 2008. What a beautiful and sweet Christian young lady. Elizabeth Rocks!!!! Sarah Palin Look Alike!

Monday monday

So, I took two days off of working out. I took two days off, but won the food battle, and still feel guilty. I meet with Joe Cool again today and get my "fitness prescription", so I figured that I will really hit it hard today. I had a very, very sore muscle in my neck and shoulder over the weekend, so I feel like I shouldn't have pushed it. We got a lot done at home too.

I do feel better already. I made it up all 3 flights of stairs yesterday to Sunday School without being out of breath. That is great progress for me! Even the "in shape" people are huffing and puffing most Sundays.

I also bench pressed canned goods this morning with Ben, our youth pastor, getting ready for the onslaught of hungry peeps. I carried 1 1/2 bags up the stairs. Ben carried a lot more. He rocks.

We have an easy week at work, so I can concentrate on getting healthy.

I found out fantastic news yesterday. I also found out not-so-tastic news yesterday. First the bad: My sister-in-law, Nancy, whom I love very much, is living with cancer. She suffers so much in pain and it is very hard not being able to help her much. She lives in PA. She had a bad setback on Saturday and ended up in the hospital in WV (Ruby in Morgantown). After surgery yesterday on both knees, the infection has been knocked back a lot, but is still trying to take her out. She is so tough, such a fighter. We wish we could be there to do SOMETHING. But that leads us to the good news:

Another sister-in-law and family, Kathleen, whom I also love very much, lives in Woodstock, VA. We are going to visit them the day after Christmas and will be there for a week. During that week, we will travel to WV to visit with Nancy and spend time making her laugh, which is what we do best. Laughter is great medicine. Dan is so happy we get to spend time with his family. Tad is ecstatic that we get to see not one aunt, but two. I am happy we get to visit them and hopefully see lots and lots of snow! I LOVE A WHITE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!!!!

I was asked by Kathleen to do one of my piano Christmas concerts for their church on the 27th. This should be real fun. My agent, Dan, is contacting their people, Kathleen. Bwaa hahaha.

I know Kathleen will exercise with me while I am there, because she is on her own healthy journey and is doing wonderful.

So, I'll post again tomorrow and let you know how tonight with Joe Cool went. I saw him at the gym Friday night and asked him if he was ready for me. He laughed and said "no, I'm still analysing the data". How much data could he get out of me flopping around on the mat like a fish trying to do crunches??

Something Wrong With This Picture

There is something very wrong here. Every Friday, the TOPS group (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) meets in our church fellowship hall. They are a rowdy bunch. Mean age= 72. Mean weight=over.

Today, after their meeting, the director (who is a stick chick and formerly 300 pounds) came upstairs to offer me a PLATE OF CHRISTMAS COOKIES!! Ok, I feel guilty sometimes bringing my breakfast past these ladies as they stand in line to weigh in, and they are trying to offer me contraband???

Best news ever: I politely refused. Me. I did not eat one chocolate morsel. My mouth drooled. My head screamed "EAT THE FREAKIN' COOKIES". I argued with myself for a whole 30 seconds. Then I heard the words come tumbling out of my mouth. "I can't".

DOH!

Who am I?

Last Night= Bliss

So, I didn't work out yesterday. *gasp*. We had respite care for the first time. A great young college student named Brittany came and engaged Tad for a few hours while Dan and I went out. It was great... and quiet! We went to the Dollar Tree, Target, Gamestop and Panda for a snack. Target is a watch vacuum- time gets sucked away. We had a good time of pointing out things we want to get Tad for Christmas, things we want for Christmas, things we think people will be killing themselves clawing over on Black Friday...

We realized when we were walking out of one store it was past our curfew! We called Brittany and told her we were on the way home. When we got there, she had been watching the Steelers game, so Dan instantly thinks she rocks, and she asked him if he wanted her to fill him in, or was he going to watch it from the beginning. Smart move. Very smart. I like her. She is funny and did great with Tad. After next week, she will come every Tuesday and Thursday night from 6:30-8:30 (or we can adjust the times) and sit with Tad while we go out together, or separately, or just stay home and clean the house. She can play with Tad while we do things around the house too. Great program. Another girl, once she finishes her training, will be available if we ever want to do something on Saturdays. That will be nice when it is time to Christmas shop. I usually have to do it all by myself and just show Dan what "he" bought someone. I will enjoy having him with me... I think.

I found out my sister, Bonnie, had a baby shower at the dentist office where she works last night. My mom said they went all out, and really went overboard on the gifts. My mom was sad she couldn't be there, but enjoyed getting the report from Bonnie. I found myself kindof sad that I couldn't be there too. It is hard with her up in Virginia. It has been such a struggle for her to make it to delivery with her babies. Alivia is staying put and we can't wait to meet her. The other babies are with mine waiting on us in heaven. We'll see them soon, but first, we'll spoil Alivia rotten. I found some shoes at Target last night I want to buy her, but it looks like she is going to have really big feet, so I'm not sure what size to buy.

So, back on the exercise front: I am going back to the gym after work today. I decided the sore muscles in the back of my neck and shoulder are from sleeping wrong, because this morning they are on fire, and when I woke up I was positioned funny on my arm. Maybe I'll check out that massage therapist at the gym! Never had a real massage.

Thanks to those who have sent the words of support. I enjoy blogging and spewing out my odd thoughts.

Here's hoping the nekkid old lady stays out of the locker room today. ewwwww

Joe Cool- Zero is a valid starting point

So, I haven't caught you up. I have been exercising EVERY DAY since I started. I already feel better- just getting my body moving instead of being a couch potato. I met with my fitness trainer, Joe (cool) on Monday. He did a complete fitness evaluation. He poked, prodded, measured, weighed.. and then the real fun began. He had to establish a baseline fitness factor so we can track my progress. First, I had to lay on this mat and do girly push ups. I was so impressed with myself. I did three push ups!!! Stop laughing, I didn't think I could do any. Then, I flipped over and had to do crunches. Joe said to put my arms flat on the mat by my sides. My finger tips were touching a strip of masking tape. He said to raise my body and crunch, letting my hands slide forward to the next tape line. I tried. I tried real hard. I could raise my head off the mat. That's it. Joe Cool said "Go ahead, start whenever you are ready". I grunted "I STARTED A FEW MINUTES AGO!!" And then I proceeded to laugh my butt off. Not really, the butts still there, but you get the picture. He tried so hard not to laugh. Ok, on to the stretchy thingy. I sat with my back against the wall and my legs straight ahead. He pushed this metal nazi torture device box against my feet and I had to reach for the box. Again, another round of "start anytime" "(grunt) I did". More laughing. This time, he finally laughed. "Well Mrs. Wilson, 'zero' is a valid starting point".

OK. zero. OK.

Well, I have a starting weight, starting body fat number, starting everything. Let's get started! He meets with me again this coming Monday to give me my fitness prescription, which will outline my exercise routine. He has to evaluate his data. Shouldn't take long to evaluate zeros. In the meantime, I will still go everyday and tread the mill and recumb the bike. Bwaa ha ha. I crack myself up!

Yesterday I thought I would get in a quicky workout before I had to go to church. As I was walking to nowhere on the treadmill, boogieing down to Captain and Tennille [stop laughing, Bonnie, love WILL keep us together!!] I peeked to the right to see who was walking with me to nowhere. At the same time they looked left and glanced at me. Egads! It was David Ammerman, my high school band director.

Ok, the man got in shape, but he still has guppy lips. I quickly smiled, looked straight ahead again and walked in my own world... to nowhere.

Over the summer when I worked with a dietitian, I cut my pepsi intake down to 1 of those little half cans a day. I did well, until I quit trying. Then went back to 1 or 2 cans a day. So, I decided this time to cut it out all together, even though my diet will allow a small one. I quit Sunday night. Had my last coke then at Village Inn after church. Only had a headache on Monday. Been great since then.

So I am still trying. Even when I don't want to, I go to the gym. I have plans to go walking in Georgia during Thanksgiving. I need all the cheerleaders I can get, people!

Oh, best thing that happened today: Ben told me that 105.9 was already playing Christmas music 24/7, so I am blasting it in the office and irritating he and my father. LOVE IT!

First Gym Days

So I started working out last week. I went to the first "support group" on Tuesday night. I sat in the back of the room and didn't make a sound. I just took it all in. It was an introductory meeting. They told us what the meetings would be like and what to expect. Then they asked us if there were any topics of discussion that we would like for them to cover. I was DYING inside, because I have a real warped sense of humor, and there was one lady there - there is always one- that was asking everything under the sun. I was waiting for her to ask "could we have a meeting that covers rashes" while she whipped out a body part, but she spared us.

I was introduced to some easy fitness equipment on Thursday night. I rode a recumbant bike for 10 minutes, then walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes. Then I got a tour of the facilities. All the while, a stick chick who is the head of the new program I am in was talking to me non-stop, very very happy I was there. See, I am the first, and only, person to be enrolled in the "advanced" program. That means that I am obese, diabetic, high blood pressure, etc. I am "special". Gee. Can't wait until I am not qualified to be in this category! She wants me to be their poster child. She envisions success. Lady, I hate to tell you, but there is a mountain ahead of me and I just took one teeny step. Don't get ready for the finish line yet, I've got a ways to go!

She is nice, just very, very happy. I am not into happy sometimes. I dealt with it and kept my mouth shut. No outward snickering.

Friday night, guess what, I showed up at the gym on my own! I had my music. I had my headphones. I had my water bottle and I even drank it. I had my towel. I knew where to start. I pedaled that bike-to-nowhere for 15 minutes. I took a five minute break as I walked to the treadmill. I like the one where it faces out into the woods. I can pretend that I am the only one there. I can't see anyone behind me working out. I walked for 15 minutes. Becki Wilson did a 30 minute workout on her own. Film at 11. I ate half a snickers bar on the way home. HEY, I'M NOT PERFECT PEOPLE! It was good.

Saturday afternoon, Dan and I went to the gym. Again I did my bike-to-nowhere listening to Billy Joel and watching Friends on the tv. A gym with a tv. They know how to keep me there, don't they? I did my little 5 minute break, and treadded the mill for 15 minutes. Had to use some Blue Man Group to keep me going on that one. The feet hurt bad. Then Dan joined me and showed me how to do this barbaric arm thingy. I did it 10 times and took a 30 second break. Did that 3 times. Then he showed me this cable thing that frankly, I could quickly kill myself or another gym rat if I used alone. I did it, but hope and pray my fitness trainer doesn't want me doing it again. I could put more than someones eye out. It was fun being there with him. We went home. I ate no candy.

Sunday afternoon.... TADAAAAAAAAAAA I WENT BACK TO THE GYM!!! Ok, I learned NOT to go so soon after eating Sunday dinner at my mother's house. I ate healthy there, but squash and recumbant biking= gas. Not good. I forgot my headphones. I learned a big big thing. Don't forget your headphones. I was not motivated. I biked for 8 minutes. I strolled to the treadmill, my fave one, waited for granny to get off and walked for 10 minutes. I did increase my speed this time. For 2 minutes. Then I put it back.

The most very important thing I learned Sunday, a thing I will carry with me unfortunately until death: always peek around the corner in the locker room before selecting a locker to put your stuff in. No, I just barrelled into the locker room to the same locker I had used before (cause I do that) and there standing in her birthday suit was an 80 year old california raisin in all her glory, in the midst of changing out of her bathing suit. Um. Yeah. EWWWWWWWWWW. I really, really, REALLY could live just fine without having to see an old ladies hoo ha. I threw up a little in my mouth. She, Oh Confident One, just smiled and said "beautiful weather, isn't it". I mumbled "uh huh" or something illegible like that and walked out in a daze. Sweet baby Jesus. Ew. Just... ew.

I learned one final thing Sunday. I learned that I can do this. I'm gonna be ok. Bring it on, trainer Joe Cool, bring it on.

My first blog in my journey

So I thought I would start blogging about my journey to get healthy... even if nobody reads it, I can use it to journal my plunge into the depths of mass loss. You can read it if you want to, I won't hold a gun to your head. If you comment and say you hate it.. um, I won't post your comment. Duh. Go read something else. If you comment because you want to encourage me, or just make me laugh, I'll take all that I can get. This first one is going to be long to catch you up to speed.

I don't have much time at home, so I am going to blog on my lunch hour at work. ON MY LUNCH HOUR, PEOPLE, NOT ON THE CLOCK... =) That will #1 keep me at work and not eating out so I eat healthy, and #2 keep me from eating the entire hour, and only eating my portioned food. I can also refer my crazy doc to my blog if I feel there is something he needs to read that I can type, but I can't speak. Yep, I see a crazy doc. One of the best decisions of my life. Everyone should have a crazy doc [read: psychiatrist]. More on that later.

I've tried. I've tried and quit. I am one big fat quitter. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. I ain't proud, it's just a fact. I finally, finally have accepted that I can't loose it for Dan. I can't loose it for Tad. I can't loose it for my family. I can't loose it for my church family. I have to loose it for myself. I am ready.

Things finally started to change when I had to start using a cpap to breathe at night. It is very eye opening to look on your bedside table every night and see a machine that you have to use while you sleep or you could die. About that time, I realized that I could hear myself breathe. I freak out every day when I am quiet and realize that noise I hear is my lungs trying to fill with air. It just ain't right! I also had a moment of "aha" (for all you Oprah peeps- but I don't watch her) when I realized that I was severely, clinically depressed. I think I have been since I was a teenager. I think it has a whole lot to do with hormonal imbalances and my brain chemistry. A whole lot of good things have happened in my life. More than I can remember. But also, some bad crap has happened. Bad crap that I wouldn't let go of and let it ruin parts of me. I would get counseling from time to time and convince myself and others that I was fine. I was not fine.

I am ready to say, "hey, I am broken. I need healing. Go ahead God, take it, it's all Yours". I gave him the crap. What a gift. Here ya' go, Creator of me, take this load of horse poop, it stinks and I'm not carrying it anymore. It's killing me. My load of crap made me feel so terrrible that I choose to do crappy things. I treated people crappy. I gave Him my crap, and I also asked Him to forgive me for the crappy things. He did. I see my crazy doc to get medicine to help me not be depressed- to stabalize the chemicals that can't do it on their own- and to help me keep from reaching back and trying to grab a handful of that crap I gave away. It works for me.

So, now that the crap is in control [my blog goal today- how many times can I use 'crap' in one blog] I am working on the outer part of me. The "fluffy part" as Garfield likes to call it. The tonnage. See, until just a few weeks ago, I could look at a picture of me from high school and I would see me as I am now, which is about 175 pounds more than I was then. Now, I can look at a picture of me from high school and see a skinny me. Not a Callista Flock-fart me, not a stick-chick me, but a Callie sized me [a gray's anatomy reference for all my gray's peeps out there]. Now, I am ready.

Over the summer I worked with a nutritionist from Parrish Medical Center, our hospital. I lost weight quickly over about a month. I quit. I didn't move. When I started to plateau because of lack of excercize, I quit. What a wuss. I wasn't ready then. I was mad because I couldn't afford Gastric Lap Band surgery. [another blog for another time] I am ready now.

Now, I am ready, and there is a program at the hospital's fitness center. It combines a Dietician, a Fitness Trainer [I get Joe, he is cool.. hey, Joe Cool, I think I'll call him that!] and a Lifestyle Coach, plus the use of all the gym for 30 days. From then on, if you need additional support from them, you can get it, or just continue on your own. It also has a weekly 'support group' [hate that term, more on that later too] that is similar to the weight watchers weekly program. I started last week with a bang. I am excited. I had to pay a pretty chunk of change for this, so that helps me stick to it. If it were free, I probably would be tempted to quit.

So God is working out all these great plans to help me. Dan is a gym rat. He loves going to the fitness center. I always thought he loved it to get away from me and Tad, but no, he just loves it! We rarely get to do anything together without Tad. We have tried to get respite care for Tad since we adopted him. FINALLY the state has come through. We interviewed two people last Thursday night that meet our approval so far. One is starting Tuesday night this week. On Tuesday's and Thursday's Dan and I will be able to go to the gym TOGETHER and work out. My dad watched Tad for an hour on Saturday so Dan and I could try it. I loved it. We were both doing our own thing for the beginning, then Dan came and helped me and taught me how to use some of the equipment. I don't meet with my trainer until tomorrow, but have already started using some of the stuff now to get moving [see the next blog about my first gym experiences].

I am doing it. I am not quitting. I will not quit. I am borderline diabetic. I hate poking my fingers and can't wait for the day that I can quit. I hate using a breathing machine at night and can't wait for the day that I can quit that too. These are the things that I am allowing myself to quit. I am not quitting the weight loss program.

So, I am fired up today. But help me tomorrow. I will get depressed again, I will want to give up again, I will want brewsters ice cream again.... the list goes on and on. But, I feel better, after just a few days of movement at the gym, I already feel better. We already have plans on how we [Dan and I] are going to work out while in Georgia for Thanksgiving at Grandma's house. Me, I have a workout plan. Makes me snicker.

Lunch break almost over, and I have to tell you a few more things. Check out the next few posts.