crap crap crap

Today I am depressed. The next song I compose will happen today and it will be called "The Crap of Life". I'm gonna copyright that, so no stealing!

Last night was the big post-Thanksgiving weigh in. I only lost 2 pounds. I would have bent over and picked up the scales to throw them, but Joe Cool had put me through more nazi torture devices for an entire hour before the weigh in.

Joe Cool says that I should not focus on the scales, but on my measurements. He is not going to remeasure me until after my four weeks with him. Two stinkin pounds. Two. Dos. AAAAAARGH!!!!!!

I feel like Charlie Brown being tempted by the football... I want to kick a field goal, I attend all the practices, I suit up and POW- the football is jerked away and I lost two measly pounds this past week.

Enough of that.

So, Joe Cool taught me my next strength training routine, a/k/a "Workout B". I'm sure they video taped it to use at the staff Christmas party for spit-n-giggles. There was this machine that some male sicko gynecologist invented, and right behind it was its twin. I swear, I cannot feel anything but pain in my thighs today. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

I'm gonna do cardio today before AWANA, then switch back to "Workout A" tomorrow. So I won't see Workout B again until Saturday. I should be in traction by then.

Today for lunch I ate low fat, low calorie, high sodium lasagna. It tasted like the box. Remember in school when we had pizza? Remember the pizza slices that were rectangular and you had to stack 3 inches of napkins on top to soak up the grease before you could pick it up and eat it? Then you could fling the napkin stack on the ceiling of the cafeteria and it would stick?? Remember? Was it just me? Remember the Naaaaaaaaaaasty little tiny seeds that were on it, some kind of spice, that would jab you in the gums between your molars and you would bleed? Remember?? Well, on this box-tasting-lasagna there was a plethora of those crappy seed thingies.

They look like miniature teeny tiny marijuana seeds. They taste like gym socks.

Hey, I watch COPS, I attended public school, I've seen my share of pot seeds.

I'm just sayin... it was nasty stuff.

But I'm full.

I almost chewed a piece of the box so I could compare the two. But I didn't.