"I do have standards, I just forgot where I put them"

One of my fave blogs is "Stacy from Louisville" . Her blog is subtitled the title of today's blog. It kind of is my day today.

My standards regarding weight loss change minute by minute. Yesterday I got to spend most of the day with my sister-in-law, her husband, her son, and her daughter-in-law. They were down from Virginia and Ohio. I also spent time with my local sis-in-law and her husband. My VA s-i-l had a surgical proceedure 11 months ago to aid in weight loss. She looks freakin fantastic. My local s-i-l has a daughter up north that had the surgery 1 year ago and has lost 160+ pounds so far, if I remember correctly from the fog it instantly put my brain in as I tried to picture her at the new weight.

I have gained 3 pounds since last week. I attributed it to my eating Valerie's brownie pie Friday night, and eating too much of the right stuff the rest of the time this past week. As I started to get in a funk, my trainer, Joe Cool, reminded me about "INCHES not POUNDS"... though I don't know yet how many inches I have lost. My "camel hump" behind my neck on my upper back is smaller. I can feel that. Camel hump. Attractive names we obese people give our fatty deposits. Eww. Just. Eww.

I just watched the Biggest Loser finale. You know, one of the finalist last season is from Titusville. I wonder if she works out at PMC. Probably not, since she is a Wuesthoff Hospital nurse. Anyway, that show makes you jealous of their ablility to have 4 hours of workout in their routine at home. Really now, who can do that???

I still am jealous of their loss.

I am jealous that my s-i-l and neice got to have surgery and I can't. I don't want the exact surgery they had, but still...

I am mad at myself for being jealous.

I want to eat cake, but I ate a salad for a snack instead. Did not taste like chocolate to me at all.

I had chocolate today. I thought I bought a bag of snyders pretzels at 7-11 to go with my sandwich for lunch. I have this obsessive thing I do... I won't take the bag in front, I reach behind for the second bag. When I got back to the church, I blindly opened the bag and reached in. It felt funny. I looked and I had a bag of snyders pretzels DIPPED IN HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE!!!!!! Now, I could have had 7 of them, been satisfied, and not been in trouble at all. Nope. Ate the whole dang bag. Felt sick all afternoon. I ate 500 calories of pretzels and chocolate today. It was the size of a small potato chip bag, and it was 500 calories!! I ate it.

I can kick myself in the head about it and give up, or just try again tomorrow.

I will try again tomorrow. Glad I see my crazy doc tomorrow. Maybe he can provide some insight. Hmmm...

Going to sleep now.

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